Hello everyone and happy Valentine's Day (and Ash Wednesday if that's your thing)!
A lot happened today, that is except for the reading that I did. I caught up from yesterday, and my sincerest apologies for that somber blog post. It happens every once in a while. I mean, can anyone really go a whole month without a bad day? Anyway, the reading for Tuesday, I'm not even joking, was about organizing and making to do lists. I don't understand how there are people out there that are thinking, I'm so anxious, I wonder why! and they don't have a to do list. I make to do lists for a living. (That's not true, I'm just upset that a self help book would offer such a simple solution.)
This leads me to believe that maybe my anxious feelings are more superficial than I've convinced myself in the past. Maybe the coping mechanisms I need are ones I had all along, and deeply disturbed people in their 30s are the ones who read stuff like this?
The reading for today made me more nervous than not. It was basically to connect my goals to my passions. I'm 19 years old. I have so many passions, I don't even know what I'm passionate about. How can I restructure my life around Civil-War-era and Kennedy-era history? Maybe I should start wearing more skirt suits to resemble Jackie? I don't know guys. Self help books are hard when you're as young as I am, and you don't have every waking second to spend applying this stuff. I could see myself doing this when I'm thirty and unemployed or something that I hope not to be.
Anyway, I really don't have time to figure out what I'm passionate about... it makes me more nervous than just leaving well enough alone. I hope one day I'm able to revisit this project and maybe set some passion-goals then, but for now I can't really get on board with this part. However, since I dedicated a month to this book, I'm going to try my best to work through this feeling of not wanting to do it. Stay tuned for a life re-evaluation coming soon.
This morning, I woke up on my own before eight. That's been happening a lot lately. It took me forever and a day to get ready for my Gaines Fellowship interview, but I did it, and I looked pretty professional, if I do say so myself. It was down pouring on my walk over, but the senior Fellow that was part of my interview gave me towels to dry my stuff off. I feel like the interview went really well, actually, so please send thoughts and prayers and whatever other good thoughts can go into the universe!
After my interview, I cranked out some homework that I was way too tired to do last night. I went to Italian, as usual. I have a quiz tomorrow, which I completely forgot about until just now, so thanks, reader, for reminding me.
My day was pretty typical. I was feeling really up and down between good moods and bad ones. Not a whole lot happened today, I'm not going to lie.
My new laptop case came (pictured), which was exciting because my old one was cracking in the middle of the bottom and stabbed me every time it was on my lap or I was holding it in some way. All fixed now.
I think now that I've been trying to put my anxious thoughts into perspective, it's been a lot easier to cope with them. It's weird to have that feeling in a moment of panic, but I kind of recenter myself and think, God, the people who bought this book for real have it so much worse than me.
Thanks for reading!